For all intents and purposes, last night's rehearsal was the final "regular" rehearsal. That is to say all of the other from here on out will be tech week undertakings, and of course will be a different animal altogether. (Starting with a cue-to-cue rehearsal tonight.)
We ran the second half of the show last night. Once. As I have often said, I have less to do in the second half than the first, so there isn't a whole lot of detail to share about it. A few flubs here and there while I was on stage, one may have been my fault, I am still not sure on that one. But nothing went down in flames or anything.
I did learn, based on notes that were given after rehearsal, that I have failed to properly project my character's goal in one scene. Interesting to note that the moment in question is my very last line of the play. The A.D gave notes to me about the scene and delivery, and made suggestions about how to change same, pursuant to what she thought I was trying to accomplish. Given the level of surprise when I explained what I was actually trying to accomplish in the scene, it is clear that I have failed to give an observer the correct feeling about that moment of the play.
I am the actor, and it is my responsibility to properly translate what the motivation of the moment is into something the audience can physically see or hear. Even if the character is being false, (which my character usually is) the actor himself must be true. Though I was unaware of it until last night's notes, I have failed to be true in that part of the scene. Ergo, one of my top priorities heading into the final week is to make extra sure that moment becomes what it should be. Or to at least in an accurate manner project the motivation I may be given if it ends up different from the one I am using.
Beyond this, I must be both discreet and candid about something at the same time. If possible.
Discreet, because I cannot share details of a personal, private nature. But candid because it does involve my experiences in the production, and that is the promise I keep to my readers here on the blog; to be candid about the ups and downs of my theatrical experiences.
The gist of it is this; I am guilty of quite a large misunderstanding within the production. I have, up until this point, proceeded with my work as an actor, (which I take very seriously) in a manner that I believed was acceptable to the environment in which I was working, but in actual fact was not. I based this modus operandi on what I truly thought I was observing and experiencing in this production. But those conclusions were incorrect, and hence so were my subsequent approaches to the situation.
Herein lies my difficulty in being part of a theatre company for the first time among all strangers. The fear of giving a false impression of what and who I am is always present, and I think perhaps this has occurred. As a result, I am feeling more awkward with the production now, as compared to before. As it stands, I remain unsure how to remedy that within myself.
In the final analysis, this is not a matter of right vs wrong. There are a millions ways to pursue theatre. It is one of the reasons I love it. But one still cannot put a square peg in a circular hole, and I was trying to do so. I just didn't know the hole was square when I started. I don't regret feeling the way I feel. But I do regret misunderstanding how to proceed with my feelings within the framework of a specific environment.
We open in one week's time. Much work must be done by me both on, and off stage.