Loyal blog readers, the time for concern may be at hand.
I must ask you to indulge me, and if you think you can, support me as you read this testimonial to my alarm at the state of things for me. (Especially those readers who know me or who are in the show with me.)
Some may find this funny. It was at some point, but I am no longer laughing. Since many people I know, and some that are in this very show will read this, I will preface this entry by saying that I blame no one but myself for what I am about to relay. I hold no ill feelings towards anyone. That being said, without any intention to be sarcastic, I must say;
I cannot dance.
This afternoon was a major dance rehearsal. I learned a few things. One thing I learned is that I will not, for whatever reason, have the privilege of being in the entire group of people who will do virtually no dancing. Indeed I was not even aware of the existence of such a group until today. Yet for some of the numbers, many people will be simply sitting at tables for most of the dancing. As much as I would have preferred to be one such person, I have somehow ended up as half of a couple in one of the biggest dance routines of the entire show. Despite the fact that I know my friends in the show could very well read this, I have to confess how concerned I am over all of this.
It is not that all of the dancing in all of the numbers is especially hard. (See also, here.) With more time, in fact, I thin I could actually master about 60% of all the dancing I have learned so far. But time, I do not have. To be more accurate, I do not have the time that I personally need to master it all. What with only 25 days remaining, with both singing (harmony) and lines for my character to commit to memory, there is a lot going on in my head. More, I fear, than it is built to process at one time.
I admire the dancers in this show. The instructors as well as those who are students of dance, or who have picked it up far quicker than I have. The way it is laid out is bound to look great. Which is exactly why I am so concerned. I can already feel myself letting those people down. It is only an uneasiness now. It has the potential to evolve into panic, however, when I consider how prominent my position is for some of these numbers. I can see the entire number(s) being brought down by me. I could have gotten by in the background. In the front, and particularly with a partner, I have far less control.
In the end, that is what a lot of these issues I am having are about. Being behind, and out of control while on stage is very foreign, and frightening to me.
It is even more unnerving when I think of the last time I was assigned to dance in a musical. Despite being told repeatedly how easy it was all going to be, I made progress so slowly that two weeks before opening I was actually cut from the number, and replaced. That is not an option for this show. I say that because I think one reason I have been featured so prominently in the dance numbers question is that I cannot be replaced by any men currently in the cast for these numbers. If I bomb, I bomb. I do not know how to handle bombing on stage. It is unacceptable to me.
The only solution available to me now is to try not to fall even further behind as new steps, and changes and music is added at lightening speed for my brain. I can only hope that simple repetition of it will somehow ignite muscle memory somewhere within me and allow me to fake it when I need to, and really do the dances when I can.
That muscle memory has to be recalling the correct movement, however.
Those who dance well, light a candle to your gods and goddesses in my favor. I will need it.